why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
