Nicole vs. Life
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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