just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
