I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
