Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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