people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
