ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't turn off my feet"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drunk is not a location!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
