he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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