I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
