I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's get the cat blown out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
