We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
