I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
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