i will never coherently bang her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
