This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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