Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
