the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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