You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
