It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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