it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
