New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
