on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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