Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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