I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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