Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
