im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
