You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
