Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
