my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
