Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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