and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
