It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
