Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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