nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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