You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
