eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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