Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
