I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
