All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
