i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
