Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
