I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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