He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
