I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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