my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
