First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
