So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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