So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I believe in your delicious
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
