I wanna passion pit in your ass
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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