the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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