Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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