All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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