from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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