You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
