I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
