dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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