It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
