How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
