Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
