i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
