Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
