i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
