Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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