It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
