question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
birth control should be required to get into college
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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