Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
