wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
