I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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