He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
