Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
