I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
