Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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