Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
