thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
