your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
