We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.