she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
why is half of my head shaved?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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