I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
