The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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