Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Congratulations! We have a period
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
