worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize