just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
