i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
