once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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