If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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