just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She bit a glass in half.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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